Newsweek’s story on gay marriage in 12 easy sentences

If you don’t have time to read Newsweek’s cover story on how a reporter discovered that the Bible actually supports gay marriage when you squint really hard, here are the main points:

• The Bible’s examples of marriage are horrendous polygamous slave-owners.
• The Bible “offers inspiration and warning on the subjects of love, marriage, family and community.”
• The Bible doesn’t explicitly say marriage is between one man and one woman.
• The Bible doesn’t say David and Jonathan were homosexual lovers, but it’s fun to imagine they were.
• The Apostle Paul was tough on homosexuality.
• One guy the reporter knows says Paul was actually talking about something else. Violent people, maybe.
• The Bible “provides conceptual shelter for anti-Semites.”
• Thankfully, newsmagazines have no similar problems mishandling Biblical texts.
• Despite what Newsweek thinks, almost all churches say that gay marriage is sinful.
• Newsweek does not own a phone book, and thus cannot call any of these churches for comment.
• When the Bible says something you want to do is wrong, then the Bible is outdated.
• When the Bible says something you want to do is right, then the Bible is beautiful.

Hope that helps.

Possibly related posts:

• Newsweek, without the news
• Where is the Trinity?
• The Bible is not theology